


when that april with its showers sweet

by waterpots



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/F, Soulmate AU, but nothing is outright stated besides "relationship was bad", but the whole vibe of this fic is very understated, i wanted to be transparent about it though, kinda not really, so if you think that might be triggering i would advise caution, that would be a good word for it, there are.....references to prior abusive relationships, visoul...kinda?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17814032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterpots/pseuds/waterpots
Summary: soulmate au where your soulmate's name is tattooed on your wrist. Jinsoul's friends know the name on her wrist, and not much else.





	when that april with its showers sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Whan that Aprill with hise shoures soote/The droghte of March hath perced to the roote/And bathed every veyne in swich licour/Of which vertu engendred is the flour

Jinsoul’s finger outlines the name written on her wrist. It’s a nervous habit, one she’d developed years before she’d ever even met her soulmate. It’s not like it matters anymore, and by now Jinsoul should be getting the mark removed, or at least covering it up. Hyunjin shifts beside her, tired. They’ve given up on actually watching the movie anyway. It’s something schlocky about two people who think their soulmates are someone else until it turns out to be each other. Jinsoul checked out almost immediately.

“Happy Valentines Day,” Hyunjin mutters, despite being half asleep.

“It’s two am,” Jinsoul replies. Hyunjin grunts and falls asleep. February fifteenth is just another day.

* * *

Jinsoul has only met one pair of soulmates that broke up, besides herself. They broke up...and then they hadn’t...and then they had...and so on and so forth until the end of eternity, it seemed. Jinsoul is tired of it, but she can’t stand between them and declare that the whole game they play is stupid, or that they should work through their issues like adults. The last thing she needs is to see what it’s like when Sooyoung and Haseul lash out at her.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating when she’s dragged along with Sooyoung to meet Sooyoung’s other friends for lunch instead of having it with Haseul and Hyunjin like they always do. Jungeun and Jiwoo are nice though, albeit a bit too in love for things to be entirely comfortable. Things would be fine if her and Hyunjin didn’t share a car and fought constantly over who got to take it every time Sooyoung and Haseul broke up. Jinsoul usually ends up getting Sooyoung to give her a ride (it’s Hyunjin’s car, technically, but Jinsoul has more than paid her share in gas money).

“Why do we always end up third wheeling,” Sooyoung says with a sigh, resting her head in her hand and turning to face Jinsoul. “I swear when you and Hyunjin meet your soulmates I’m going to find myself seventh wheeling ever time.”

Jinsoul feels her index finger on her left wrist before her brain registers that she’s making the movement, tracing the name written there.

“Shut up!” Jiwoo says, throwing a french fry across the table at Sooyoung, who had figured the two of them were so engrossed in their own conversation that they couldn’t hear her. “As if you haven’t found your own soulmate already.”

Jungeun wrinkles her nose beside Jiwoo. “You’d third wheel a lot less if you just apologized for eating the last cup of yogurt every single time.”

Sooyoung sighs dramatically, resting her whole head on the table. “It’s just a cup of yogurt, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s the consideration aspect of it,” Jiwoo says. “It’s not that you ate the last cup of yogurt, it’s that you didn’t think to save it for her because it’s her favorite kind, you know?”

“Sure, I guess,” Sooyoung replies, but she clearly doesn’t.

“What’s the deal with you and your soulmate anyway?” Jungeun asks, looking at Jinsoul. Jiwoo desperately tries to shush Jungeun next to her. “You’ve never met your soulmate or what?”

“Don’t say anything,” Jiwoo whispers, although Jinsoul can still hear her. “We aren’t supposed to say anything.”

Jinsoul smiles awkwardly, painfully. Her wrist is on fire. “It’s not a big deal,” she says. “It’s just,” she shrugs. “It’s whatever.”

Jungeun takes another bite of her french fry and leaves it.

* * *

“Can your soulmate die before you meet them?” Hyunjin asks while making mac and cheese.

“I dunno,” Jinsoul says, unfocused. She’s desperately trying to look up their school schedule on her phone to reply to Yerim and tell her whether their spring breaks will finally line up this year. Hyunjin glares at Jinsoul, and kicks her to try and get her to take this seriously. “Maybe?” Jinsoul tries again, not looking up.

“It’s the second week of March,” Hyunjin says, which saves Jinsoul the trouble of trying to scroll through their university’s poorly optimized mobile page. Jinsoul texts Yerim back and looks to Hyunjin.

“What was the question again?”

“Can your soulmate die before them?” Jinsoul places her phone facedown on the counter.

“I really don’t know.”

“But if you had to guess?”

Jinsoul knows where the question is coming from, from the name written on Hyunjin’s wrist that’s tied to a girl that neither of them have met before. “I doubt it,” she says, and she doesn’t believe it. But it’s not fair to tell Hyunjin that.

* * *

Sooyoung and Haseul make up a week later, which means that instead of fourth wheeling with Jungeun and Jiwoo (and a mopey Sooyoung), she gets to fourth wheel with Haseul and Sooyoung (and Hyunjin, who makes gagging noises for the whole meal but also claims it’s better than spending time with Yeojin).

It’s after one particularly violent gagging sound that Sooyoung turns from giggling about something with Haseul to glaring at Hyunjin. “Just because you’re mad that you’re single doesn’t mean you need to take it out on us.”

“I’ll have you know I’m already in a deeply committed relationship,” Hyunjin replies.

“Oh?”

“Jinsoul and I are platonic life partners, thank you very much.”

Sooyoung lets out an especially loud laugh that startles Jinsoul.

“What?” She asks.

“Jinsoul has the emotional range of a rock,” Sooyoung says to Hyunjin. Hyunjin looks angry, and Jinsoul can’t tell if they’re joking around anymore. “What do we know about Jinsoul: the name of the town she’s from and that’s she’s a tad bit too fond of bleaching her hair.”

“Plenty,” Hyunjin says.

“She’s a microbiology major,” Haseul supplies.

“She has a pet fish _and_ a pet turtle,” Hyunjin says.

“And she rooms with Hyunjin,” Haseul adds again.

Jinsoul’s phone rings before she can think of anything to add to the conversation, and she jumps at the chance to remove herself from the restaurant to answer it.

“ _The dynamic duo are making a comeback!_ ” Yerim announces when Jinsoul answers the phone, before she can even say hello.

“What?”

“ _Our spring breaks line up!_ ”

“Why are you calling?”

“ _Phone calls are my new thing. It’s much more personal than texting or anything. It’s got a casual sort of intimacy to it._ ” Jinsoul hums. “ _You are coming home for spring break, right? I kind of just assumed…”_

Jinsoul hadn’t been planning on going home. “Of course! Wouldn’t want to keep the dynamic duo apart any longer, right?” If Yerim’s response is anything to go off of, Jinsoul made the right choice. Yerim talks a little while longer, until Jinsoul mentions that she’s eating with friends and Yerim lets her go, not before making Jinsoul promise to call her soon.

Sooyoung looks like she’s about to apologize when Jinsoul sits down with them again. Jinsoul doesn’t want her to (it’s not like she did anything wrong), so before she can say anything Jinsoul turns to Hyunjin and asks.

“Do you want to go home with me during spring break?”

* * *

Sooyoung and Haseul break up and get back together again before spring break. Everyone is slightly more invested in it this time, because they had plans to go abroad over the break and nobody knows what will happen if they’re “broken up” when they’re supposed to depart.

Jungeun manages to strangle the story out of Sooyoung during lunch. Something about a rehearsal that went late, a boy, and Haseul not “standing up for her”. Jungeun declares her a jealous bitch.

“Jealousy is a dangerous game,” Jinsoul remarks without thinking. She’s already outlining the name on her wrist. The habit comes out near constantly when Haseul and Sooyoung are fighting.

Jungeun looks like she wants to comment, but Jiwoo kicks her before she can.

“Must be weird to not know your soulmate,” Sooyoung remarks. Jiwoo didn’t see it coming and didn’t have time to kick before Sooyoung started talking. “I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t met their before they turned 20.” They’re 21.

“It’d suck to not know your soulmate,” Jiwoo says. “To know you could meet them, but never when.”

“You and Jungeun have known each other forever, so you don’t count,” Sooyoung says. “Sometimes I’m jealous of you,” she says to Jinsoul.

“Don’t say that,” Jungeun says. “You and Haseul love each other.”

“Is it worth it if we fight all the time?” Jinsoul winces. Nobody notices. “Maybe if we met each other earlier or later things would be a bit easier, but it feels like right now we’re both so obnoxiously stubborn in different ways that we can’t do anything without fighting over it.” Sooyoung sighs. “I should apologize.” She texts Haseul.

“It must be interesting,” Jungeun says. “You’re a free agent.”

“You’re a bird that can be caught at any time! But you never know when,” Jiwoo adds.

“Who knows what your soulmate will be like,” Sooyoung says.

“I do,” Jinsoul says.

“What?”

“I’ve already met my soulmate.”

* * *

Jinsoul saw the flurry of concerned and confused texts coming her way, but it never came. Sooyoung, Jungeun, and Jiwoo finished the lunch looking dazed, all seemingly confused as what had possessed Jinsoul to reveal that bit of information about herself.

Nobody said anything, and Jinsoul couldn’t tell if she was thankful or not. Everyone is wrapped up enough in their own lives. She gets home that night before Hyunjin, who has a class until eight, and settles for watching tv and doing her homework while waiting for Hyunjin to get home (Hyunjin tells her not to, but it’s a habit she can’t seem to break, waiting up for people). Hyunjin gets back around 8:30, looking exhausted and chucking her backpack down the first place she can find.

“I’ve decided the Thebans can die,” Hyunjin announces, disappearing into the kitchen.

“Why?” Jinsoul asks.

“The gods decided it as well and I’m just going with the majority opinion right now. Creon also sucks generally and all the Thebans should suffer for it.” Jinsoul hums, and doesn’t look up until Hyunjin places a mug full of hot chocolate down on the coffee table in front of her.

“Sooyoung texted me,” she says.

“Oh.”

“They decided it would be best if all of our thoughts were funnelled down into one person, and they all said nobody will know until you tell them, except Sooyoung who said when her and Haseul make up Haseul will probably find out. So I’ve been delegated the task of telling you that we’re sorry for your loss.”

Jinsoul nods, knowing she could just leave it at that. “She’s not dead.” Jinsoul does not.

Hyunjin blinks, but recovers pretty quickly. “Then she has another name on her wrist.”

Jinsoul shakes her head. “I think I have a photo of her wrist somewhere on Facebook if you want to see.”

“I’m all set,” Hyunjin says. “Then, you’re dating her and haven’t introduced us? Does she live on another continent?” Jinsoul shakes her head again.

“I think you’ll figure it out over spring break.”

Hyunjin clicks her tongue once, but says nothing else.

* * *

Jinsoul leaves Hyunjin behind along the main street of her hometown, because they’re meeting in the park a street over and Jinsoul is trying to explain the importance of being punctual (to save her phone from exploding from Yerim’s barrage of texts if you’re even a minute late), but Hyunjin is insistent on getting coffee and a bagel.

“I brought my roommate,” Jinsoul says when she meets Yerim in the park. “She’ll be here in a minute.”

“I brought my roommate too,” Yerim says, grinning. “This is Heejin!” Heejin stretches her hand out for Jinsoul to shake, and it only takes a brief look at what’s written on her wrist for Jinsoul to groan internally.

“Nice to meet you,” Heejin says.

“Same.”

Hyunjin meanders over, enjoying the bagel far too much (in her defense, it is a good bagel, Jinsoul remembers). Jinsoul wants to tell her to hurry up, but she doesn’t. Her hand traces her wrist instead. But Yerim notices, because of course she does, and grabs Jinsoul’s right hand and entwines it with her own. Forcing her to stop.

“This is my roommate,” Jinsoul says when Hyunjin finally gets over to them.

“Hrhlo,” Hyunjin says with a mouth full of bagel. She swallows it down with a swig of coffee before continuing.

“My name’s Yerim.”

“I’m Heejin.”

Hyunjin glares at her, and Jinsoul considers letting her make a fool of herself before deciding against it, turning instead to look at Heejin, gesturing and introducing her with a simple

“Here’s Hyunjin.”

Heejin’s dumbfounded, and their matching wrists make everything worse.

“You hate me,” Jinsoul says to Yerim, who only grins back. “You knew this, and you’ve done it just to hurt me.”

“You’re right,” Yerim says with a mock conspiratorial grin. “My whole life has been preparing for just this moment. Just to spite you.”

They wander around for a while, Jinsoul and Yerim leading the way as Heejin and Hyunjin trail behind, alternating between too dumbstruck to talk and talking far too much.

“How have you been,” Yerim asks. She’s still holding Jinsoul’s right hand, and Jinsoul figures she probably won’t get it back until they part ways. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“ _I’m_ not the one who had a prestigious internship in New York City last summer,” Jinsoul says, and Yerim makes a face.

“You didn’t come home all summer, I heard.”

“I stayed in the city.”

It’s silent for a moment, and Jinsoul doesn’t realize that Hyunjin and Heejin are quiet behind her has well.

“You still haven’t contacted her?” Yerim asks. Jinsoul shakes her head. “She could have moved out of town.”

“We’ll never know,” Jinsoul says. And it’s final. “We should get something to eat.”

* * *

Hyunjin insists that Jinsoul drive them home at the end of the week, because Hyunjin drove them on the way there and also because she’s been texting Heejin nonstop since her and Yerim left for school the day before. They’re planning their first date, a month from then, because that’s the soonest Heejin will be able to make it out to the city. Jinsoul and Yerim had insisted they just go on a date while they’re in town, but Hyunjin refused to leave Jinsoul’s side for a minute (and, she insisted, she had a restaurant in the city she wanted them to have their first date at in the city).

So Jinsoul makes the drive home that night, after taking Hyunjin to bum around at all the local malls and buy nothing. Real engaging suburban activities that Hyunjin’s never gotten, having lived in cities her entire life. Hyunjin declared that it was boring and she doesn’t know how Jinsoul has survived this long.

“I don’t know what happened with your soulmate,” Hyunjin announces while they’re on the highway. “I could not figure it out.”

The walls of the car are suffocating and prison-like now. Jinsoul has no escape, except maybe to open the driver side door and fling herself into oncoming traffic. That wouldn’t be no good. Hyunjin would probably save her with superhuman speed or something.

“You can tell me when you’re ready,” Hyunjin says, going back to her phone. “No pressure.”

The car is no longer shrinking. Jinsoul doesn’t have to wonder if the doors are unlocked or not.

* * *

Hyunjin insists that meeting her cousin will be fine, and that Jinsoul will love her, and that she’ll take up so little space that it won’t bother Jinsoul at all. Hyunjin’s cousin and her cousin’s girlfriend are apartment hunting, and need a place to stay while they’re in the city for a few days.

Hyunjin’s right, to the point that Jinsoul doesn’t realize that Hyejoo is home when she comes flying through the door, cursing loudly and throwing her bag against the wall. Hyunjin has class at this time. It’s usually not an issue. But it is when she ventures further into the apartment and sees Hyejoo wide-eyed, curled up on the couch like a wounded puppy.

Jinsoul feels bad.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Jinsoul says. “I have a bad school project.”

Hyejoo nods. Jinsoul feels worse. She hasn’t exactly spoken to Hyejoo or Chaewon, her girlfriend. She doesn’t know how to handle the two of them. They’ve both been relatively quiet, and work like a well-oiled machine in a way that makes Jinsoul’s stomach turn. She’s not entirely sure how to handle people who are in love. She does better by not dealing with it.

“How’s apartment hunting going?” Jinsoul asks, awkward.

“Fine,” Hyejoo says. Jinsoul nods, and sits in the chair next to the couch where Hyejoo is.

“Have you found anywhere you like?”

Hyejoo fixes her with an odd look. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” she says.

“I-”

“Hyunjin told us you can be weird around strangers. Don’t worry about it.” Hyejoo’s eyes flick to Jinsoul’s hand, which has been tracing lines around the name on her wrist. Jinsoul wills herself to stop. “Why don’t you cover it up?”

Hyejoo and Chaewon both knew _something_ was going on with Jinsoul’s soulmate situation. Something they had been thrown dead into the middle of. Jinsoul was second guessing her small phase of opening up to people, and had decided to make up with it by saying no more than was necessary at any given moment. This, coupled with Hyunjin’s insistence that everything was _fine_ and nothing had changed at all, meant that Hyejoo and Chaewon felt like they were walking on eggshells any time they were home with both Hyunjin and Jinsoul.

This was coupled with the fact that Chaewon had accidentally asked a question about Jinsoul’s soulmate. Hyunjin had accidentally let slip something about her date with Heejin, which led to Hyejoo and Chaewon excitedly celebrating with her at _finally_ meeting Heejin. Chaewon had meant it as a casual question, but change in the mood of the room was immediately noticeable. Jinsoul tried to brush the question off as best she could, and then escaped the room as soon as possible to the sound of Hyunjin’s tired sigh. She knew her roommate was getting tired of her running.

Jinsoul shrugs. “It’s just a reminder, I guess.”

“Hope?” Jinsoul blinks once before shaking her head.

“I hope I never see her again,” she says. Hyejoo just nods.

* * *

Jinsoul doesn’t expect to see Haseul standing at the door to her apartment when she hears someone knocking. Sooyoung texted her earlier that there was another breakup, but her and Haseul don't talk nearly as much as her and Sooyoung do. Haseul doesn't normally go to her when they break up.

“Hyunjin’s out,” Jinsoul says, slightly dazed.

“I know,” Haseul says. “She had a date.”

Jinsoul nods, and they stand in the doorway until she remembers to invite Haseul in. Haseul sits on the couch and Jinsoul gets her a cup of water, not sure what else to do, and sits opposite her on the couch, facing her.

“Sooyoung and I broke up,” Haseul begins.

Jinsoul doesn’t know what to say in response, and against her better judgment goes with “so?” It sounds rude the second it leaves her mouth, but Haseul seems far less upset by it than Jinsoul expected.

“It feels different this time,” Haseul says. “More finite.”

Jinsoul thinks back to the text Sooyoung sent her, compared to the other times. She tries to remember if she worded it differently then. Nothing comes to mind, but then she’s never cared much to analyze the stylistic choices of Sooyoung’s texts.

“I don’t know what to do.” Haseul’s never looked so small to her, and even if this is a regular “breakup” for Sooyoung, Jinsoul realizes something’s shifting in their relationship. Something dangerous. “Things feel so distant now, and even though we’ve been better about not claiming to break up every time something goes wrong, I feel like it’s been a thousand years. I’m worried I don’t know her anymore.”

Jinsoul’s index finger starts tracing along the name on her wrist.

“You need to talk to her,” Jinsoul says. “Before things get bad.”

“Things are bad.”

“Before things get worse.”

Haseul nods. “I’m sorry to bring this up to you.” Jinsoul moves both of her hands onto her thighs, trying to prevent herself from tracing the outline of the name on her wrist.

“You have to talk about your feelings sometimes. It’s okay.”

“Hyunjin told Sooyoung and I not to talk about love stuff in front of you, back when we first met.” Jinsoul blinks. “She said things were, I don’t know, bad.”

“Oh.” Jinsoul presses her palms down, trying to prevent her hands from moving.

“Nobody knew what happened with your soulmate,” Haseul continues. “And she said if we found out before she did she’d kill us.” Jinsoul offers a weak smile. “I think she didn’t want us to push you to say something you didn’t want.”

Jinsoul nods again.

“What am I supposed to say to Sooyoung.”

Jinsoul shrugs. “Start with an ‘I love you’ and a ‘this is gonna be a process.’”

* * *

It was a process. Long and painful and with more down days than up ones. But Haseul and Sooyoung seemed to actually be working at things. They didn’t have lunch the four of them for the rest of the year, but some days that was a conflict of schedules (Sooyoung’s critical theory class ran right over the only other time the rest of them were free).

Instead, Haseul invites Yeojin and Vivi to eat with them, and Jinsoul, who finally realizes she doesn’t have their numbers, invites Jungeun and Jiwoo. She doesn’t know Yeojin and Vivi, and Haseul's only vaguely acquainted with Jungeun and Jiwoo, but somehow the whole thing works out, even if Hyunjin’s been spending it on her phone talking to Heejin and laughing at something she says.

Two days of the week Jinsoul doesn’t eat with them, instead meeting Sooyoung on campus to have lunch and complain about their classes. Jinsoul tries to explain how annoying her orgo lab partner is while Sooyoung tries to make Jinsoul understand just what the hell was wrong with Jacques Derrida.

There’s a shift, somewhere in Jinsoul, somehow, and she feels far more comfortable around so many people than she ever expected to. When Hyejoo and Chaewon move into the city and start joining them at lunch it doesn’t send her into a panic like it should have. When Yerim comes out with Heejin to visit the city Jinsoul should be uncomfortable. She isn’t.

Jinsoul feels like she’s getting better.

* * *

Jinsoul knocks her phone off the nightstand when she wakes up, and instead of groping around for it in the dark she continues looking for the switch to her lamp. She doesn’t find it, and has to stand up and grope along the wall for the overhead light.

Water is the first thing she registers she needs, followed by leaning against the wall and sliding down so she’s sitting. Jinsoul coughs twice, loudly, and tries to empty her head. She learned meditation exercises for things like this. Stuff to clear her head. The air in the room feels finite in a way that she knows it isn’t, but she feels the need to ration her breaths.

It’s been months since the last dream, which should be a good sign. Instead it just makes Jinsoul feel like she’s fallen. She’s back at the beginning again. She stares at the mark on her wrist, wishing she could rub it off in the sink. That enough soap would get rid of it forever. That it wasn’t there, permanently.

Jinsoul cancels all her plans that week, instead hiding in her room, skipping class, and staring at a wall. She’s good at appearing as if she has left the apartment. It helps that she leaves after Hyunjin most days and arrives home before her. The one time she sees Hyunjin, around 12 when Hyunjin stops by the apartment to grab a snack before a three hour seminar, she claims that class was cancelled. Hyunjin believes her, she hopes.

Jinsoul’s back where she started freshman year, it feels like, and she has to remember the steps. She journals again, which she hates, given her last entry ended with a pledge to have her tattoo removed or covered up by junior year. She’s a senior now. She deletes instagram, too, to prevent herself from lurking, and blocks in on her laptop just in case.

She thinks Hyunjin notices, because there’s a bar of chocolate in her room where there wasn’t before, but maybe she had bought that herself and forgotten.

Jinsoul takes small steps to get back to normal. She struggles to see her friends again.

* * *

It takes three weeks before she returns to eating lunch, and at the end of the fourth week since the dream Hyunjin forces her out to a party. It’s nearing the end of the semester, and most of them will be returning home, at least for a little while. Jinsoul and Hyunjin resigned their lease, because Jinsoul plans to find a job in the city after graduation and Hyunjin’s still got a bit of time left in school.

The party is at a frat house, of all places, and Jinsoul remembers going to one with her freshman year roommate. It was an interesting experience, to say the least, but not one that Jinsoul had necessarily anticipated repeating. They meet Haseul and Sooyoung at the door, who look far closer to each other than they have in months. Jinsoul’s happy for them.

“If you see Yeojin you need to text me,” Haseul is saying. “She threatened to sneak in and she has a final in the morning.”

“And she’s a child,” Sooyoung remarks.

“Is everyone else here?” Hyunjin asks.

“Jiwoo announced they were going to watch other people do body shots and then dragged Jungeun away,” Sooyoung says with a shrug.

“Vivi said she’s already inside and saw Hyejoo and Chaewon,” Haseul adds.

Sooyoung grabs Jinsoul’s shoulder before the enter the frat house. “You okay?”

“Better,” Jinsoul says. Sooyoung nods.

“Okay.”

* * *

The party is a disaster decision, Jinsoul decides. There are too many people, too many of them are drunk, and she almost immediately loses everyone else in the chaos. Hyunjin was dragged into a conversation with some friends from class the Jinsoul didn’t even want to try and understand, and Haseul and Sooyoung slinked away at some point or another, and Jinsoul decided it wasn’t worth it to follow them.

Instead she has to watch Chaewon try and outdance some poor freshman boy who is a tad bit too drunk to be trying a dance battle. Jiwoo and Jungeun are alternating cheering on Chaewon and badmouthing the poor boy from the sidelines. Hyejoo has a look on her face that’s both affectionate and embarrassed, and Jinsoul considers it good that she at least looks somewhat embarrassed.

Vivi sneaks up beside her and Jinsoul nearly jumps a foot in the air when she places a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” Vivi says. “It’s been a while.” It has, because Vivi’s been busy and not been going much to lunch with the group. At least, that’s what Hyunjin said, because Jinsoul hasn’t exactly been present recently.

“Hey.”

“It’s less hectic outside,” Vivi says. “Unless you’re enjoying this.”

Jinsoul isn’t, and follows Vivi outside. It is quieter outside, which is odd considering it’s such a nice night. There are only a few people milling around, smoking and chatting. Vivi finds a spot away from other people and takes a seat. Jinsoul follows, sitting and accidentally looking over at a couple somewhat far from them getting far too physically intimate with each other. She averts her gaze quickly.

“Do you want to move?” Vivi asks. Jinsoul shakes her head.

“Just uncomfortable,” she says. They sit in silence.

“You get uncomfortable with couples,” Vivi says.

“Yeah.”

“I get it,” Vivi says and Jinsoul wrinkles her nose.

“I doubt it.”

Vivi sighs and holds up her wrist for Jinsoul to see. Where her soulmate mark should have been there was a black rectangle.

“You didn’t want to know?” Jinsoul asks, confused.

“My soulmate cheated on me. We went to different colleges, tried to work things out, but decided against it,” Vivi said. “So I covered it up.”

“Why didn’t you just get it removed?”

“It leaves a scar,” Vivi said. “Tattoo removal always leaves some kind of scar or mark.” Jinsoul nods. “Plus, symbolic reasons. I’m not trying to erase the past, but move past it.”

“You’re kind of covering it up,” Jinsoul points out.

“I’m making room for new memories,” Vivi says. “I’m moving ahead. Maybe I’ll get a new word tattooed onto the rectangle someday. Something like ‘eat, pray, love’ or ‘serenity’.”

Jinsoul grins. “Good vibes only.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea. Touch my butt and buy me pizza.” Jinsoul laughs. Loudly. “I don’t know if it’ll fit on here though,” Vivi remarks.

“Get a second rectangle on your other wrist.”

“Perfect.” Vivi takes a sip from her drink before she asks. “What happened with your soulmate?” Jinsoul just stares. “I know it’s a taboo topic, or so I’ve been told by everyone, but maybe it’s easier to talk to someone who isn’t crazy over someone else.” She shrugged.

“It was just, bad, I guess,” Jinsoul says. Vivi says nothing, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t know. It was just,” Jinsoul pauses. “I remember waking up one morning in high school and feeling like I wasn’t part of the situation anymore and looking at how we were with each other. And I didn’t love her. I don’t know if I ever did. Nothing was worth the stuff she would say to me, or the stuff I would say to her. And I just felt worse being with her. Like a worse person.”

“So you broke up?”

“Yeah. We haven’t spoken since.” Vivi nods, and they sit in silence.

“You have to let yourself move on someday,” Vivi says, finally. Jinsoul nods. “Take your time, but you know.”

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Slowly


End file.
